East Dallas Times

By Bruce Felps

As one Ohio writer put it, “New Year’s resolutions are as much a part of the holiday as watching the ball drop on television and having pork and sauerkraut.”

Amen to that, broth… wait, what? Black-eyed peas, man. [lowering voice a half-octave] Pork and sauerkraut … [raising it again to normal, slightly exaggerated register] what kind of cockamamie …?

Still, the guy had a point. We tend to look at the start of a new year as the start of a new me. By and large — nope, no joke there, Terry — people swear off and swear on pretty much the same stuff each year. So, what’s on your to-do and to-don’t list for 2011?

Who are you kidding?

That same piece went on to list weight loss, smoking cessation, reduced alcohol consumption, reduced debt, more savings, and heightened volunteerism among the most common New Year’s resolutions.

Another website added to the list run a marathon — dreamers — get a new job, take a photograph every day … OoooK … and fall in love. Legal disclaimer: You might not be able to turn on that last one at will. It can, though, be turned off at whim, evidently.

A little help, please

All fine, perhaps altruistic and spiritual oaths, but are they attainable and maintainable?

Weeellll, there’s an app for that. And of course there is.

There’s also therapy, for what it’s worth, and I didn’t find it worth the money but that’s just me.

Ah, screw it

And then there’s simply New Year’s resignation. Count me in on that one.

I’m imperfect just the way I am.

Bruce Felps owns and operates East Dallas Times. Full disclosure: This piece appeared pretty much as is earlier today after he wrote it for NBCDFW, but he thought it perfectly conveyed the spirit and hope of the New Year’s promise. Nah, he was just too lazy to write another column tonight.