East Dallas Times

By Bruce Felps

For some reason, I find it difficult to string together two conjoined thoughts that might result in a themed bit of banality that goes on for about 600 words or so.

I did, though, find a couple of pennies — one in the Tom Thumb parking lot and one in the parking lot at, well, never you mind where — so here, precious too few are the readers we two can share, comes another installment of my 2 cents on practically nothing.

I’m blaming mental distraction — ooo, shiny, pretty — on the sports environment around here. Rangers in the World Series — can they do that? — Cowboys on the brink of disaster … brink, phhfftt … Stars off to a good-and-bad start … yup, seen that movie before … and the Mavs … what do they do again?

Hammering out a wake-up call

Anyway, I mentioned awhile back that a newly constructed house is going in next door. After a few fits and starts, the cement mixers came last week or week before and poured the foundation, and the workers diligently smoothed it out and left.

I did not write my initials in the drying concrete, thank you very much. I am far too mature for that type of foolishness.

I made a foundation version of a snow-angel, which is not advisable. That stuff does not come out in the wash.

Wednesday morning at 7:15, ugh, the house-frame guys showed up, woke me up, and put up the first vestiges of recognizable, vertical house, and that did not take long at all.

At this rate, the house will be finished by Thanksgiving, riiight, and I will be even more of a babbling basket case because of sleep deprivation.

I am not a morning person, but I have developed a fondness for Tejano music. The blues-influenced metal rock en Español was, um, interesting.

Dude, read the Cat Handbook

Cats are supposed to be graceful, right? They can walk a single thread of spider web snaked through fine crystal and china and nary disturb a single fragile piece.

Would someone please explain that to Bogart?

He likes to sit on my desk as I’m crafting these Pulitzer entries, and as, cats do, groom himself. Oh, that I could be so limber.

My ever-present bottle of water — during working hours — typically stands between him and the keyboard, and a window beacons beyond.

Today he decided to make a 180-degree turn after a furious grooming to check out the seven wonders outside the window. As he did, he knocked over the water bottle. I grabbed for it, disturbed his graceful turn, and sent him — all cat flailing about — tumbling between the desk and the wall.

He took out a paper-clip dispenser, a stapler, the pencil holder, and various bric-a-brac before getting wedged between said wall and desk.

He looked at me all pleading and stuff, and all I could do was laugh … hard.

Yup, gonna find a little surprise in one of my shoes soon, very soon.

Going all willy-nilly

My friend and one-time boss at the dearly departed Black White Red — hey, Steve — had a favorite phrase to drop on me whenever a typo would appear in binary print. “Measure twice, cut once,” he’d say … all Ward Cleaver-ly. Hmm, I thought that applied to circumcisions.

I ordered an East Dallas Times banner for my church-mouse little booth at last weekend’s Walk, Wag, and Run from the printing company from which I ordered business cards. I placed the order on Monday night of last week and paid for second-day delivery. It arrived Monday of this week. Thank you so much.

I forgot to sign the most recent check I mailed to my landlord. She deposited the check anyway, and it cleared her bank and mine sans signature. Should I be disturbed that an unsigned check can clear two banks? Yes, I think I should.

You’ve heard of the Peter Pan Syndrome, right? I am so Peter Panicked.

Bruce Felps owns and operates East Dallas Times. He needs help, serious professional help.